The Balance of Heart & Logic
In my last blog, I talked about your relationship with yourself. As you practice strengthening that relationship, you are likely to encounter some dualities within yourself. Perhaps things like strength and weakness, sophistication and simplicity, laziness and energy, or simple yet creative. This duality can feel contrary. You may begin to think something needs to be done with this dichotomy or that you should not pay attention to it. You may find that maintaining your vibrancy is challenging or exhausting. That holding these seemingly contrary parts of yourself is too much.
Know that you were not meant to cut or ignore parts of you. Your beauty can only fully shine when you bring into balance all parts of you.
In general, these parts are essences of your feminine and masculine parts.
I am not talking about masculine as in male or feminine as in female. I am not talking about stereotype gender roles. Nor am I talking about whether you have XX or XY or something else chromosomes. I am talking about the essences within each of us that when honored for what they are complement one another and create an integrated and balanced whole. Think Yin and Yang. Think heart and logic.
The feminine and masculine essences or energies exist in everyone. It is common to think of masculine essence or energy as reasoning, strength, and action oriented. Feminine energies are typically seen as emotional, nurturing, and receptive.
Society as a whole has honored and elevated masculine energies while diminishing and undervaluing feminine energies. How you express and experience both these energies can influence you on a deep emotional level. Understanding how to best keep them in balance will serve you well.
Remember, both these essences are part of the same whole. One is not better than the other nor is one preferred over the other. They are supposed to complement one another. When your masculine and feminine essences are in balance you shine, you flow, you thrive. Your heart is simultaneously open and protected. Your logic is strong and you can critically think, creating a vibrant life force.
When these energies are in opposition to one another, you have polarized, rather than created and acknowledged the whole. It’s highly likely your Ying and Yang, your heart and your logic, are not in harmony. In doing this you dichotomize yourself and injure the essence of who you. You cease to engage yourself fully. By consequence, you also cease to engage others and your environment fully. You can feel like you are not yourself, like you are sacrificing yourself, you can feel confused and drained. Your creative juices may stop flowing. You may feel indecisive and lack initiative. At these times, it is important to ask yourself, “Did I allow an imbalance within me to occur?” If you did, do not be ashamed. Rest assured, we all have at one time or another.
Whether you allow the imbalance to continue is something you can address. It depends on whether or not you are buying into the lie that you need to be strong or assertive at the expense of your balanced self. Are you buying into the myth that the feminine must be undervalued for the masculine to exist or vice versa? Are you willing to challenge the story that the masculine is more valued and necessary than the feminine, especially in the workplace? Are you willing to challenge the story that the feminine is more valued only in relationships and in the home?
Remember, your relationship with yourself is the basis for all else.
None of us was meant to give up a part of ourselves to thrive. It is important for you to show up with who you are. In all your glory.
I’d like to share a story of when I allowed myself to actually be in my own glory. Once I did that, I found it easier to continue with balance moving forward.
I have often been told I am “strong”. I know that sometimes people see strong as stoic, “masculine’, not soft. I am saddened by that. Because that means they are not seeing me as a whole being. The irony is I am strong because I am immensely feminine AND because I am also comfortable with my masculine energy. Meaning, I am receptive, intuitive, community minded, compassionate, sensitive, and holistic thinking. I am also very good with boundaries and critical analysis.
Before I arrived at this point, I spent many years trying to adjust to a male dominated world. I learned boundaries quickly. They kept me safe and so I really honored them. It kept my feminine side well protected and unfortunately left an impression that I did not feel much or that little bothered me. I had fallen into the trap of over valuing the masculine and undervaluing the feminine. I did it to survive. The day came when I went from only allowing myself to survive in a white male dominated world to being committed to thriving within it.
I remember that day clearly. On that day, my cultural identity and femininity was challenged. I hold this day in the deepest regard. It is the day I finally let myself “arrive”.
I was a senior administrator at a large company and was in my yearly review with my direct supervisor, the CEO. I had really long hair and wore large earrings. As part of my review, I was asked to “please do something with your hair and choice of accessories”. I asked for clarity. I was told “pearl studs and putting your hair in a bun would be nice.” THAT was the complete opposite of who I was. I asked, “was my performance less than expected?” No it was not, my performance was exceeding expectations. Hmmmm. “Were there complaints from the public?” No, there were not. “Were there concerns about my appearance with the Board?” No there were not. I do not fully know where my strength came from. But in that moment, deep inside of me, I said to myself, “Hell no! YOU will NOT define me nor demean what I bring to the table”. I then just showed up. I literally just showed up. Completely. I was calm and professional. I was in my center.
I proceeded to tell the CEO that the discomfort regarding my hair and accessories were hers and it was not my job to make here comfortable. I said other things like it had no bearing on my review and I expected her concerns regarding my hair and accessories to be removed from my review. It was removed, and I continued on with that company for a while.
From that point on, I never let the balance of who I am be challenged by anyone or any situation. That is not to say I have always remained in balance. I have not. But in the balance, where the sweet spot lies, there is impeccable unwavering strength.
I want to share with you the things that help me stay in balance and when I falter, how I bring myself back. You may have different things you do that help you keep your feminine and masculine in balance, keep doing them!
Balancing the Feminine
The feminine is rooted in receptivity, collaboration, creativity and feelings. When you are in balance with it, you are compassionate, inspired, fluid, you can release control of outcomes. When you are out of balance with it, you can become emotionally unavailable, rigid, blocked creativity and self-expression. An imbalance may also create an excess of your feminine essence which can look like victimhood, codependency, too sheltering of others, overly forgiving of others and easily violate your own boundaries.
To balance your feminine flow, stop giving your power over to others. Stop asking for advice, turn inward to your intuition. Allow your self-empowerment to flow from there. Set aside time daily to experience your feelings. Exhale slowly. Journal mindfully. Meditate.
Balancing the Masculine
The masculine is action oriented. It likes outcomes. It is rooted in logic, analysis, problem solving, direct communication, confidence, and structure. At it’s most balanced, it is visionary and practical. When it is out of balance, you can feel overworked and unloved. You may feel disappointed or get easily frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Others may get easily intimidated by you or experience you as too critical. You may feel indecisive, lack motivation and accountability.
To bring the masculine back into optimal flow, start delegating tasks. Allow others their own process. Even if they flail, don’t judge, everyone is learning, growing, and on their own journey. Tap into your creativity (painting, photography, drawing, writing, cooking, dancing).
Overall Balancing of the Feminine and the Masculine
This can be done standing or sitting. When you get practiced enough you can do this in the middle of a conversation.
Option A
- Tap both feet on the ground, take a deep breath and as you exhale relax your shoulders.
- In your mind’s eye imagine the Ying/Yang symbol as if the circle has been split, with the white part on one side and the black on the other, as if they are to the left and right of one another.
- They are not supposed to be separate; the circle is not supposed to be split; keeping the image in your mind’s eye, take a deep breath and as you slowly exhale imagine the two parts moving towards one another; keep taking deep breaths and slowly exhaling as you continue to imagine them moving toward one another until they finally come together.
- Theirs is a fluid union so they do not “lock” together, they gently join.
- Allow yourself to focus on the image of the complete circle and how the two parts are gently joined; notice the completeness, the balance.
- If you need to, throughout the day allow yourself to remember this image.
Option B
- This is similar to option A above but instead of the Ying/Yang symbol, imagine an infinity loop that goes from the inside of your forehead to the inside of your heart space.
- The top of the infinity loop is at your forehead and the bottom in your heart space.
- With your breath, as above, imagine a pink light moving and tracing the infinity loop. This is connecting your heart and logic.
- Continue to do this until the pink light continues its path on its own. It may seem like the light is no longer tracing the infinity loop but has become the loop itself, moving gently as it keeps the shape of the infinity loop, continuing to connect your forehead (logic) and heart space (feeling).
Option C
- Create a mantra that you can quietly repeat to yourself. It can be something simple like “I am balanced” or “I am whole”. Focus on the message as you repeat this at least 5 times while you allow slow calm breathing.
Whether you are already keeping your feminine and masculine essences in balance or whether you are struggling to do so, my hope is that this has provided a template or guide on how to hold your feminine and masculine energies in balance. I would like to encourage you to fully allow your feminine and masculine essences to complement one another. It is where you are in your most powerful center and you are your strongest. You are centered in who you are. From there things can flow easily and things in your environment or other people will not sway you. You can stay focused on that which you want to bring forth in your life.
To be in balance in both the feminine and masculine essences means your feminine is receptive to the right people and opportunities to come your way. Trusting that all will be fine. It means the masculine is active in taking initiative and consistently working on your dreams. There is ease of flow between your masculine and feminine energies.
May the Balance Always be Yours,
Dr. Spano